OK, so after the beers, the laughs, the club, the hot french girl whose number I got, the hot french girls number that my phone somehow lost, the anguished hour I spent trying to get to sleep (I stayed at a friends) disbelieving I had lost the number, as well as going over and over the add-contact procedure on my phone wondering where I could possibly have gone wrong; after all that, I took a bus home. I was feeling a little queasy, a little bored: so I decided to try a quick short right-brain exercise.

All I did for this was concentrate on the right hemisphere of my brain. Often I find it is stimulated directly by visualisation, but you can also stimulate it even more directly by visualising it itself, as it were. At least it seems to work for me.

The effect was immediate. I mean zero response time.

The first thing I noticed was that I felt calmer. I wonder if this has something to do with the overbearance of the left-brain requirement/stimulation in our society, generally, today. The right brain is perhaps more rested and the left hemisphere, relieved of stag duty, induces a mild eurphoria; a release of neuropathic stress.

This calm is not an emotional calm, however. It is not a physical or even a psychological unwinding. It really is, literally, and feels it, a neural calm that permeates ones perception and general being in a subtley different way one might experience from muscular relaxation, or the relieving of emotional disturbance.

It’s difficult to described. I can only suggest you try it.

The second thing I noticed – again immediately – were the yellow hand rails on the bus. They were everywhere: up down, around, in and out. They suddenly resembled some peculiar lifeform, a fungus or a vine. Bright yellow tubular alloy curvatured to assist ergonomics or injury prevention, they curved their way in and out of the buses chasis like the loops, as i said, of a vine or some obscure lifeform.

After that, a few things came into my mind at once. I was suddenly “aware” (though perhaps falsely, for I did not witness this with any recognised sense) that the girl sat opposite to me liked me. I couldn’t really be anymore specific than that: she might have liked my clothes, thought I was good looking, or she may have simply thought I seemed harmless or trustworthy in some way. Then bending lines of light, like the Cassini photos of the rings of Jupiter, became apparent all around me as light flexed on perspex and glass surfaces throughout the bus: their formation changing with the shudders and twists and lunges of the buses engine and torsioning frame and body work.

Suddenly I noticed that everyone on the bus, asides from myself and the young girl, were all old women with grey hair. They swayed in their seats with the ululations of the road like strange gophers: all facing forward, their sharp, clear eyes were like expensive glass ornaments – crystalline and thinly but definitely edged in detail and colour.

This is as much as I think it is worth salvaging, verbally/narratively, from the experience for now. As I said, it was a quick, light right-brain meditation: but nevertheless the results were quite striking and not dissimilar to having taken a mild dose of hallucinogen.

Perhaps if I had not felt quite so at unease, though my hangover was mild, I would have ventured further into the experience.

At some point I’ll discuss the waking meditation that appeared to result in an ‘alien abduction experience’ (whatever that might be in actuality, even if some physiologically induced nightmare, but I insist that keeping an open mind is crucial, generally). Sounds alarming, I know. It was really alarming. In fact, sadly, I have never been so scared. I’m not even certain why: I think it must have been some primeval emotional response.

Anyway, bed time.